Each holiday is a milestone for me. Another reminder that I am still not pregnant and still do not have a child. Another year without a baby. Then I start to analyze when I will need to get pregnant to avoid having to go through the next set of holidays without being depressed.
It is such a mind game. Maybe I do it to myself? Yes, I definitely do it to myself. But I don't know how to NOT think about it. I don't know how to NOT obsess. Maybe that will be my New Years resolution? Try to let things be and don't over analyze? Hmm...think I can do??
So today is CD 13. I went to my RE for like the 400th time this cycle (these $50 co-pays are really adding up) and they gave me the trigger shot in my buttocks. I felt like Forrest Gump. "Something bit me!"
In all seriousness, it really wasn't that bad at all. Tomorrow we go in for IUI #5. If I haven't ovulated by tomorrow, we will go back in for another IUI Sunday morning. Back to backs! We did back to back IUIs the first time. It worked but unfortunately ended in a miscarriage. I am weirdly hoping we do have to do back to back IUIs just because that was the only time it worked for us. I also have to go back in a week to get another shot of HCG. The RE said it was a booster shot. Never heard of this but the internet TTC people reassured me that it is normal.
This is my first time ever doing the HCG trigger shot. It is going to drive me crazy because I won't be able to test. Like the entire time. I know some people think "what's the big deal?" BUT for me, I can't help it but test. I want to know as soon as possible if it worked or not. But maybe this will be a good thing?? Maybe it will force me to focus my energy elsewhere?
My Birthday is on Wednesday. I will be 29. I definitely want to have a kid before I am 30 so this year is the real deal. Do or die time 2015. Let's do this.
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