Shattered Part 2

After I hung up the phone, while standing out front of Chickies and Pete's, I immediately called Tom. I felt like I was in a bad dream. I didn't understand what was happening. Did I really just hear her correctly? Why is this happening? I don't know what to do right now. I don't understand. These thoughts were racing through my head on a never ending loop.

Tom answered and I told him exactly what the Nurse at the Dr's office told me. I was sobbing and could barely get any words out. He kept saying, "What?" "Why?" "What does this mean?"

We were both asking each other questions that could not be answered.

We both agreed that we would be leaving work right away.

I got myself somewhat together, put on my sunglasses and headed back into the restaurant. I kept my sunglasses on inside. I am sure it was obvious to Ali and my other co-worker that something was wrong. I immediately lied about who was on the phone and said it was my sister. Ali knew though. She knew something was wrong and she knew it had to do with the pregnancy.
She was so sweet. She said okay, well we better get back to work and made small talk the entire car ride back just so I didn't have to talk. I held it together. I have no idea how. We walked into work, walked into her office, shut the door, and I lost it. She hugged me and she let me cry. She cried with me. She told me just to leave work and don't worry about anything else right now.

I went out the back door so I wouldn't have to see anyone. Got in the car and drove home. I was numb.

I called my Mom who at this point didn't even know I was pregnant. I was a mess. Screaming and crying. Trying to explain what had happened. I didn't want to say the word "Miscarriage" out loud.
She was so upset and so worried about me.

I called Tom again. He was so upset. He was upset for himself, upset for me, upset for us. He called his family and told them the news. On Monday when we received the news that my blood test was positive he went out and bought cigars and flowers and was telling the cashiers at the places that he just found out he was going to be a Dad. He was so excited and now his world was shattered too.

 I got home and went upstairs to our bedroom. Crawled into bed with my doggies and just sobbed. Uncontrollably. Every part of my body ached. I physically hurt. Tom came home and we both just laid in bed. Not knowing what to say. I remember saying repeatedly, "I just don't understand, I just don't understand."

I still don't understand.